Once I was married.
Suddenly, without warning, my life was ripped from me. Not my choice, didn't even see it coming.
But then, how could I? A few days before D(ivorce) Day, we had been talking of retiring to the Pacific Northwest and looking at a new vehicle for me. So I could more easily transport our animals.
A couple of weeks before, we had been celebrating my fortieth birthday. I was excited to see this new decade in. I was finally at peace within myself, making plans for the future, committing myself fully to my husband and the life I had with him.
Yes, it took me sixteen years to find that peace. You have to understand that time was filled with tourmoil which took a great toll on me. So much was out of my hands. But I was finally regaining some small sense of self-destiny, some baby steps to being who I had wanted to be so long ago.
And I had made peace with my own urging towards parenthood. I was extremely wary of it for so many, many reasons and had come to realize that it just boiled down to fear. And that I was strong enough to do it.
The day I waited to tell my husband that I wanted to try hard for parenthood was the exact day he chose to tell me he didn't want to be married anymore.
Before I had a chance to say anything.
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